After enough time went by it was like amputating... After enough time went by it was like amputating an arm
He knew what would happenHe would be an enlisted man, a private, and the other enlisted men in whatever unit he would be assigned to would find out sooner or later that he had been an officer, and they would hate him for it, resent him, resent even the fact that he had resigned a commission, for it would mock their own ambitions conscious and unconsciousIf he did this, it would be with open eyes; there would be nothing cleaner at the end of it, certainly nothing more pleasantIt would be lousy and painful, and probably the only discovery would be that he could fit into a fear ladder as well as anyone elseHe had been running away from fear, from vulnerability, from the admission that he was a man also and could be humbledThere was a saying, "It is better to be the hunted than the hunter," and that
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Mockingly, he could hear what Cummings would say to that"'A nice sentiment, Robert, one of the nice lies for today, just like the lie about a rich man not going to heaven And Cummings would laugh and say, "You know, Robert, it's only the rich who do go to heaven
Well, the hell with CummingsHe had said that enough times in resentment, grudgingly, perhaps helplessly, but Cummings didn't know all the answersIf you granted him that man was a sonofabitch, then everything he said after that followed perfectlyThe logic was inexorable
But the history wasn'tAll right, all the great dreams had blunted and turned practical and corrupt, and the good things had often been done through bad motives, but still it had not all been bad, there had also been victories where there should have been defeatsThe world, by all the logics,
black and white chanel cambon handbag for sale should have turned Fascist and it hadn't yet
For a moment there were a few sounds in the valley beneath him, and he picked up his rifle and stared into the shadows of the grassIt became quiet againFor some reason he was left depressed
It was a skinny enough hope, and all the pressures, all the machines, were squeezing men a little more; with every weapon the odds became a little more out of whackMorality against bombsEven the techniques of revolution were changed, were accomplished with armies against armies now, or not at all
If the world turned Fascist, if Cummings had his century, there was a little thing he could doThere was always terrorismBut a neat terrorism with nothing sloppy about it, no machine guns, no grenades, no bombs, nothing messy, no indiscriminate killingMerely the knife and the garrote, a few trained men, and a list of fifty
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A plan for concerted action, comradesThere would always be another fifty, that wasn't the ideaIt was just something to keep you occupied, keep you happyTonight we strike at Generalissimo Cummings
There were no answers you could find, but perhaps there were epochs in history which had no answersRely on the blunder factorSit back and wait for the Fascists to louse it up
Only that wasn't enough, you couldn't do thatFor whatever reason, you had to keep resistingYou had to do things like giving up a commission
Still, when he got back he would do that little thingIf he looked for the reasons they were probably lousy, but it was even lousier to lead men for obviously bad motivesIt meant leaving the platoon to Croft, but if he stayed he would become another Croft
When things got really bad, maybe the political
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Drought season for anarchists
Martinez moved along for a few hundred yards through the tall grass, keeping well within the shadow of the cliffsAs he advanced, he awakened slowly, flexing his arms and pinching the back of his neckHe had been partially asleep while he had talked to Croft, or at least nothing that was said had any significance to himHe had understood the directions, the mission, he had known that Croft was telling him to do something and instinctively he obeyed, but he had not thought about the connotationsIt had not seemed particularly dangerous or odd to be going out by himself at night into country he had never seen before
Now of course as his mind cleared it was becoming apparent to himDamn fool thing? he wondered, and then dismissed itIf Croft had told him it was necessary, then obviously
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